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Friendship Made Easy in your 50s

I was scared every weekend

Published 2 months ago • 2 min read

Sometimes, I didn't want to go. I just wanted to stay curled up in bed on those cold winter mornings.

But I had a coffee group to host.

Organising it was easy; dealing with the persistent nerves about how it would all turn out - not so easy.

I was hyper-aware of the many moving parts (invisible to most) - juggling the diverse personalities and dynamics of the group to ensure everyone enjoyed themselves while managing my introverted energy.

And so my fear of the outcome never really left.

The only thing I could do was clutch my heirloom necklace for luck and ask for assistance from whoever was listening. Then, take a deep breath and push through.

If you don't feel the fear, then you're probably playing it safe.

Which is fine if you're content with how things currently are in your life.

But if you're not - and feeling lonely, isolated, or like you're missing out— like I was — the only way to change that is by doing something about it.

This 'doing' often means stepping out of your comfort zone, which naturally introduces fear.

Fear is a good thing. It's natural and part of our instinct to keep us safe.

Even though we no longer live in caves, you'll always feel that fear.

You can either acknowledge its presence and move forward or let it control you and hold you back.

"If it feels safe, it's probably not the thing for you to do" - Seth Godin

Taking the risk to put yourself out there is worth it. It brings you one step closer to what you really want.

I asked myself, what kind of life do I want to live? And what does that look like?

Not one paralysed by fear, that's for sure.

So, I made the conscious decision to change my ways of being and doing.

To just try, knowing I might fail or I might succeed.

Either way, I'd have no regret. We rarely regret the actions we take - we regret the actions we don't take.

With every small action, your confidence grows. Each success, big or small, creates a positive feedback loop, motivating you to take the next step.

These actions stack up, boosting your confidence even further (aka personal growth).

And your growing confidence is magnetic, drawing people towards you because confidence is attractive, leading to more opportunities for friendship.

So pursue what you want today instead of worrying about what might happen—and often doesn't.

Tomorrow is never promised. We forget that. And there might not be another opportunity.

So I kept going.

To my relief, the coffee groups always went well, and everyone left with a smile —the perfect reward and motivation to keep going.

The nerves will always be there, not from doubting my abilities but because I can't predict how others will react. (And I'm a perfectionist.)

But comfort isn't my goal; making new friends and helping others to do the same is.

So instead, I make fear my friend and take it along for the ride.

And it got me what I desired most - a bunch of new friends.

I figured if you want something bad enough, it's worth getting out of bed for!

Friendship Made Easy in your 50s

Hey! I'm Janey Carr

...a friendship enthusiast helping single women in their 50s build real friendships for deeper connection, by sharing personal experience, curated expert advice, tips and thoughtful, no-fluff stories delivered to your inbox each week.

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